Cancer survivors and dating

' I’ve found that guys ask really smart, sensitive questions.

Women often ask, ' How did you deal when you lost your hair?

I admit there was a time, after I learned my cancer was gone, when I actually wished it would come back. And the day I did, at 27, I vowed, This is going to be a positive in my life.

I’d gotten used to the constant support of my friends and family. And I dreaded the possibility of getting sick again: I didn’t know how to live in hope instead of fear. Last weekend I woke up with Coffee Meets Bagel guy at A. I try to do the same when it comes to online dating, which I haven’t done much of yet.

Once upon a time, women who have survived cancer will tell you, the fact that you’d been through the horror of a diagnosis and surgery was not public information—not at work and certainly not on a first date.

Flash forward to 2016 and, experts say, there’s a very different attitude.

After years of trying to control my looks, surrendering has been healing.

It was the new me, the survivor, who created a profile on Coffee Meets Bagel last spring. I didn’t talk about cancer in my profile, but I posted a picture of myself with a mohawk, taken at the head-shaving party I threw before chemo.

Jenny Saldaña, 45, an actress, comedian and Ford Model of Courage living in New York City; diagnosed 11 years ago"When I signed up for OKCupid, they asked, What’s the most private thing you’re willing to admit?

' But men go deeper: ' How should I talk to my sister who has breast cancer?

' or ' When was the last time you were intimate with someone, and what was that like?

I got an MRI as a precaution, and it revealed a stage I tumor.

In two insane years I’ve had a double mastectomy; harvested my eggs; been through chemo and tamoxifen and in and out of depression and menopause; had my hair fall out and grow back; and had reconstruction that resulted in perfect, hard breasts with no nipples and amazing side boob. My body doesn’t function the way it did, but I’m more patient with it.

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It’s my way of saying, ' If you don’t want to know, you’re probably not my match.' That picture has encouraged beautiful first-date conversations about how life doesn’t go the way we want but that doesn’t mean it’s not good. I’ve started to gravitate to people who haven’t had such easy roads.

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One thought on “cancer survivors and dating”

  1. The photos are large, the app is — comparatively speaking — svelte, and setting up your profile is pretty painless. Also, no one can message you unless you have also expressed an interest in them, which means you get no unsolicited messages.