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There are three things you can do to help make this happen.
First, determine what kinds of play you and your partner are OK with by taking turns telling one another about a sexual fantasy, discussing it, and placing it on the yes, no, or maybe list, Dr. Then, vocalize firmly what makes you uncomfortable.
"If one person is raring to go and the other gives compliance sex, it will not only fail to be physically gratifying, but it won't produce an emotional connection," Grenny says.
That can snowball into bigger issues, like emotional distance, when in reality you just had a long day and are desperate for some shuteye.
When you're feeling this way, it's possible to let your partner down without it sounding like a "we're never having sex again" situation.
"Touch your mate, smile, and suggest another time," says Laurie Puhn, creator of the nationwide couples course Fight Less, Love More.
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This isn't a matter of how many sexual partners each of you has had, nor an opportunity to judge said number, Dr. "HPV and other bugs hitch a ride on human genitals just as the common cold goes for your nose and throat," she says.