Smart beautiful girls intimidating
“I stifled my dreams to make him happy and I never felt like myself.” Of course, some women are content to give up careers to accommodate love and there’s nothing wrong with that.
But forgoing or subduing your dreams for a man can breed resentment.
When Lauren S., 27, a mechanical engineer, met her now-ex at a festival, she fell hard. Until her picks for dinner spots were “too lavish.” One night, he asked about her salary — then everything changed.
“He made me laugh, the sex was great, and he was intellectually stimulating,” she says. “He couldn’t look past the fact that I made more money,” says Lauren. workforce is female and 40 percent of those women are their family’s breadwinner.
In a related study, when single female students were placed in groups with other women, they admitted wanting high-paying, high-powered jobs. When it comes to who men ask out, the research looks different.
But in groups with single men, these women were more likely to say they wanted a family-friendly job: lower paying but more flexible. In Match.com’s 2017 Singles in America survey, men marked "entrepreneur" as the sexiest career a woman can have. Cohen, Ph D, and Karen Wilson, Ph D, as men’s academic motivation rises, so does their desire for a smart partner. A series of experiments at the University at Buffalo, for example, discovered that while men are turned on by the idea of intelligent women, the concept is tougher to swallow in practice — in fact, if a girl outperforms a guy on a test, he’ll express less romantic interest.
Operating on similar intellectual levels will help ensure you have an equal partnership.
He is supportive of his female friends’ dreams and sees himself settling down with a career type someday. “It’s intimidating when a woman is beautiful and successful and has her shit together,” he says. What I want in my head and what I go for are not usually aligned.” For Jesse and guys like him, in-the-moment feelings of emasculation are overriding their stated dating preferences, says psychologist Lora Park, Ph D, lead researcher of that University at Buffalo study.
Multiple studies show that, when asked, men say they prefer dating ambitious go-getters. As a result, many women are playing down their drive — at work or on dates — to make themselves seem like “relationship material.” When single female students were told their answers would be shared with male peers, they acted less ambitious and leadership-oriented — claiming a desire for smaller paychecks, fewer travel days, and fewer working hours, according to the National Bureau of Economic Research.
Meanwhile, their partnered female classmates didn’t waver.
“He said, ‘If you give this up now, I will support you in whatever you want to do later,’” Yi recalls. When she started vocalizing her career aspirations, he’d throw out comments like, “But who will make dinner?
” He did want a smart wife, Yi says — just not a successful one.
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Of course you can do these things for yourself — but it could be that he’s trying to show you affection.